The Emotional Divorce
January 3, 2010 by FTS_author
Filed under Married Or Divorce Couples
The Emotional Divorce:
Mom and dad are the same mom and dad before and after the dissolution of marriage.
We expect good people at their worst to do good work in putting their child’s needs before their own, and creating a plan at a time when they are most likely in of the emotional stages of divorce: denial (stage 1), sadness (stage 2) off the wall crazy time (stage 3), adult adolescence (stage 4), ready to move forward (stage 5). Most the parents are not in the same stage at the same time.
Long-Term Planning. It is expected of parents who, without a divorce, are just coping day to day with the enormous stress of working and raising children and making ends meet to plan for the next eighteen years. The greatest negotiation and planning before this was probably who will sleep in and who will take the children on a weekend morning. It is human nature to do what is just necessary for the moment. Parents may have long terms goals or plans for their child’s future. But many may never have even been discusses these EVER before or after having the child. (Think paternity-one night stand babies are more common than you think). There is a vast difference between IMPLEMENTATION and DECISION-MAKING. By default, one parent may go to the child’s school while the other parent works difficult or greater hours and our look at historical decision making under the law gives an advantage to the parent who by default, rather than by plan could be with the child. Most important, both parents cannot imagine not kissing a sleeping child each night whenever they want. The law demands they agree when not to see the child. The legal side views it as a plan for visitation and the parents’ view it as a plan for not seeing the child.
About 75% to 85% of parents muddle through after divorce and share parenting in some form when they need to make a decision. About 20% to 25% do really well, and they do not come back into the legal system. These are the cooperative and communicative parents who are fully capable of putting the child’s best interest first, even in the inevitable ups and downs of life. About 50% to 55% parallel parent, do their own things when the children are with them, and when they have to make a decision about the child with the other parent may or may not be successful as they rarely communicate, and really don’t have the skills, much less the desire to do it. About 20-25% does not do it as well at all, either because of impairments or the other circumstances that make it detrimental for the parents to have to confer and communicate at all.
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